These are the three questions that the character Christina Yang asked on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Leave it to the brilliant writers to tie in important life questions into the show. I chose these three questions as this posts headline for a few reasons, the biggest one being that I ask these three questions of my self daily. So much has happened this month that I barely have had the time to stop and reflect. My birthday, a loss, getting back into the dating scene, concerts, a cruise, a visit to my best friend in Washington, D.C. for the July 4th holiday.
Another year older in my mid-thirties. Hard to believe in some respects and yet not so hard to believe. I had my usual birthday dinner at Mama Ricotta’s surrounded by great friends. I also was lucky enough to meet another one of my new favorite bands from Brooklyn – Oh Honey! I met them before the show and had a blast chatting with them for a few. Mitchy and Danielle were even so kind to let me take a selfie with them!
After years of on and off dating, I’m trying to give it a go again and put myself out there to find a soulmate. I have never been stellar at dating, and I have had a few great relationships on my life. This time I want to find the person who wants a lifetime of experiences together. Is that person out there? I sure do hope so.
Over the many years I have struggled with depression. A while back, I put a post on Facebook asking for people to lift me up. Here is why I asked for that request. Even though Mom is done with the major rounds of chemotherapy, she still is on a chemo drug for five years. This is not a drug that is a fix all. It is a nasty drug that still gives many of the same effects that IV chemo gives. Although any people have said they can tolerate the drug while working, many others have said that it is just as bad as being on IV chemo. My Mom seems to be in the latter grouping.
There are many days that I have spent wondering why the hell this has happened to our family. Where did we go wrong in life? Is this a punishment for things past? Or is this another test of character and strength? These are just a few of the questions that race through my head when I actually have a little time to stop and reflect.
This past week I spent the week with my dearest friend Topher and his husband Jay. More and more I have come to rely on the relationship I have forged with Topher. We balance each other in so many ways. I come to depend on his advice, his wisdom and his uncanny ability to just ‘keep it real’. I also have come to depend on the advice from my friends here in Charlotte as well, especially in my knitting circle. It was also great to experience the Independence Day holiday in our nation’s capital. From where we were, we had an up-close view of the fireworks and they were nothing less than spectacular! I also had another first in my life – I traveled with drag to D.C. and took some photos of Lana in front of The White House. It was an amazing experience and has truly allowed me to become more comfortable stepping out as Lana. She can bring out the best in me and when I turn her on, I can live a temporarily UN-complicated life. Seeing the general public’s reaction to a drag queen walking around downtown D.C. was also a little humorous. From photo bombing to flirting with the secret service police – Lana did it all!
At the beginning of June I went on another cruise with Mom. It was so great to back on a cruise ship for 8 days! We were on the Carnival Sunshine and had an absolute blast. Our itinerary was Aruba, Curacao and Grand Turk. We were in an aft balcony room on the starboard side of the ship right under the Lido deck. All-in-all the room was good, and we couldn’t have been happier with our service and wait staff. We made some new friends again while we were on the cruise and I can not wait for the next one that I book.
So getting back to the questions at the top of the post, here are my answers so far on my life journey…
Do you know who you are? - I know who I am in pieces. I find that it is a constant journey of self discovery to truly discover who I am. I am a helper, a healer, a listener, an entertainer.
Do you understand what has happened to you? - Not all of the time. From day to day struggles, to longer periods of struggles, I know for the most part what has happened. I am a very forward and direct person, so when others are not as direct it really can confuse me. When this happens, I find it hard to just move on not really know what did happen.
Do you want to live this way? - Yes & No. I want to continue to surround myself in new experiences and the joy they can bring, but I do not want the drama that continues to plague my family and social relationships.
So there you have it, my post to catch up on the past six months. I really need to get better about blogging more… maybe I should make this a mid-year resolution?